my treasures

8/3/2006

Psalm 119:11

I have hidden your word in my heart, that I might not sin against you.

the first time I heard about this verse was last year, while driving my car, and listening to my favorite station, K-LOVE. they were conducting interviews with a lot of different people about their favorite verses. the radio girl said that the one interview that stuck with her throughout was that of a little girl about 8 or 9 years old. when asked of her favorite verse, this girl said "i have hidden your word in my  heart, that i might not sin against you."

wow!

i too, was very much struck by this little girl whom i’ve never met or knew. today i met this verse again. and again, it reminded me to keep His word in my  heart at all times.

not to be a fanatic about christianity or about my religion. for me, it’s not the intensity of my PDR (public display of religion) that matters in the eyes of God. it’s my PDF (private display of faith) that matters. it’s about a lifestyle, a pinciple to life by, a guide in this world filled with uncertainties and chaos.

i thought that taking 4 classes in the summer while working part time sounds crazy. but just when i thought i did all that could be done, someone else comes along who knock me down from my high chair. and i’m very thankful for those people who come around and knock the craziness out of me.

right now i am done with half of my summer classes. i’m left with just 2 and i hope to have a much slower summer in the next 2 weeks. over the weekend, i had the most fun i have ever had in ages. what did i do? i took a break - doing nothing fancy in particular. just hanging out with a bunch of friends, making new bonds of friendship and tightening the bonds that i have already have. i really cherish those friendships. i mean, they are the ones that put color in my life.

i want to share with you about my class this summer. my assessment class was officially done on friday, 29 july, 2006. and that class was a very interesting one because my grade depended mostly on my final project, which is building assessments around one unit in my classroom curriculum that will be able to measure my students’ performance frum multiple perspective and at different cognitive level. phew! that was quite a handful to write - and as you can imagine, an even bigger handful to do. i was exhausted, overwhelmed, and enlightened at the same time. i realize that as a professional, i can be as accountable for my work as i can possibly be or i can be as ignorant as i let myself be. and the choice is completely dependent on me. i am responsible for my own actions and choices i make and i am responsible for whatever consequences that follow those choices and actions.

from now on, i will try to be more conscious of those choices and actions. especially those that seems to small to think about or to irrelevant to be considered fully.

that being said, i am going to enjoy this relatively relaxing monday and the rest of my week. and i’ll be delighted to hang out with my friends who’re willing to share their time with me :">

cheers!

with my crazy summer schedule it seems impossible to find time for myself to just relax and breathe. i now officially take time off work to sin and type up my long-updated blog. i’ve been thinking about blogging for a few times during this past month (since sooooo many things happened) but i just don’t have the time.

today, i want to write about me. i want to be completely selfish and give the next 5 minutes just for myself.

i’ve heard many people say that i’m smart, helpful, cheerful, fun (in a corny way), and blessed. but i’ve also heard (often times behind my back) people say that i’m proud, manipulative, selfish, people-pleaser, unreasonable, ugly (although i’m pretty sure i’m not :"p), unforgiving, and manipulative. am i really all these things? if not, which am i? see, many people think that i have all the pleasures of the world in my hands. let me tell you something: i DON’T! although i do do a lot of wishful thinking and day dreaming (maybe attributed to too many korean drama series).

"who am i?" - that’s a question that floats in my brain all the time. apparently, my being 22 years old doesn’t mean that i’m mature enough to know the answer to this question. i am still in the path of self discovery.

ever heard the term "selective memory?" ever experience it? i did! i have erased the majority of my elementary school experience. i don’t much of it. i know which school i went to, but i don’t remember what happened during those 6 years. the world, being small, gave me a chance to meet some of my elementary friends again lately. from our conversations about the past, i realize that i SUCK! as a person, i suck terribly. i was obnoxious, proud, self-centered, whistle-blower, lousy in being a friend, horrible in social events, and i was filled to the brim with self-pity and low self-esteem. no wonder i was so anxious to move to singapore. i don’t have many friends back then. in fact, i don’t even know whether those people consider me as their friends. i don’t like myself very much then.

singapore gave me a chance for a fresh start. my first year in spore was just as bad as my elementary school experience. i wanted to change and be a better person, but i didn’t know how. i guess i had gone through so much rejection back then that i was very defensive when it comes to other people. but slowly, those friends, my real friends who stick by me and are patient with me, help me change. i learnt to be a person there and then. i didn’t turn out perfect, but i think i become better. i learn to have compassion on others and i learn that not everybody out there is out there to get me. i learn to share my heart with my friends and be honest with myself. until today, they remain to be my true friends. i wasn’t good all the time and there are incidents where i had hurt them. for that i apologize. sincerely apologize. but i am very thankful that they did not give up on me. very very thankful.

God continues to be graceful to me in that when i came to the US, He sent me wonderful friends as well to correct me when i’m wrong, encourage me when i’m down, celebrate with me when i’m happy, struggle with me when i’m facing problems, and share with me their ups and downs, making me a part of their lives.

all in all, i’m a work in progress. i’m very thankful about all that had happened. and i pray that i will be thankful for all that will happen. i know they all happen for a reason - to shape me to become a better ambassador of Christ.

ps - please be honest with me. if you see something that needs "improvement", please talk to me so that i can do something about it. *mUaCccHHHhh*

it felt extremely good that finals are over and my papers are turned in! finally it ends - all the deadlines, group meetings, papers and researches. funny thing is, when all is just about done, i miss it already.

anyways. i want to share two inspirational moments i encountered over this weekend. one is on friday when a friend shared about his life struggles to finally reach his success. it’s very encouraging to hear that even when problems come is tsunami-sized waves, God is always there to rescue us and make us victorious. but one sentence really caught my heart. it’s something his brother said… "i’ve seen you fall and rise many times before. why can’t you rise again this time?" it may sound simple, but for me, at that moment, that sentence striked me. i’ve fallen many times, and thank to God, i’ve risen as many times as i’ve fallen. i hope that this sentence can stengthen those who are falling right now. remember, with God, you can rise again.

the second insipirational moment was today at church. we watched a movie clip on a father who fought for his son’s life. you see, the son has some disabilities which prevented him from doing pretty much everything in life. the parents knew about this before his birth - still they decided to keep the baby. as the boy grew up, the family must’ve faced many resistance. but they stand firm. the boy’s dream, along with the father’s dedication, has touched the hearts of many. mine included. together, the father and son had participated in 911 marathons and triathelons. amazing isn’t it? it reminded me that i can do all things through Christ who strenghtens me.

the definition of rich or poor depends, to some extent, on the kind of lifestyle that one chooses to live by. there are standards out there determining poverty line, but beyond that everything is relative. even the standards can still be questionable. how satisfied one is with his/her own live depends on the attitude one chooses to live life by.

we should not spend more than what we earn. that was taught to me since i was very small. and i try to abide by that rule. but what if you don’t earn anything - like a student in school? then i would consider my pocket money to be my earnings :"p but for many who have earned income, we should try to live by it. there’s nothing wrong with wanting to earn more; but before we earn more, we shouldn’t spend more.

do we really need all the gucci, prada, channel, louis vutton, etc? do we really need that $500++ dress or that $300++ shoes or that $200++ bag or that $1 million++ house or that $100K sports car? i don’t think so. but can we have all these things? sure! why not?! if that’s the kind of lifestyle that you choose to live by, then i’m happy for you. so long as you can support it.

what about the people who is content with just a home cooked meal, a decent car, a working faucet, a roof over the head, and a comfortable pair of snickers? good for them! i’m happy for them too. if that’s the kind of lifestyle you choose to live by, go for it. so long as you can support it.

i guess it all comes back to priorities. what do we consider more important in live? i haven’t live for very long but i know for a fact that we can’t have everything we want. even the richest man in the world, the most beautiful woman on earth, or the smartest geek in the universe - they too, lack something (i’m guessing at this point, since i don’t know them personally :"p). maybe it’s human nature to always want more. i’ve never met a person who has all the things that he/she wants in this world. maybe you have. but such people are very rare gems.

the art of contentment - it’s a very hard lesson to learn; it’s a very difficult skill to master. but once we have it under our belt - boy! what  life we’ll be living!

one man have figured it out. he said:

for to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain.

- Phil 1:21

i consider boundaries to be one of the most prevalent element in my life. without boundaries, i wouldn’t know when to stop, when to start, when to come, when to go, when to walk, or when to run. there are signs everywhere establishing boundaries. one that i dislike quite a lot is traffic light; especially when i’m in a hurry… or late as usual. but i also can’t imagine a world without it. it’ll be messy. i mean, look at jakarta - we have traffic lights there but noone really pays attention to them. and the result - chaos.

i guess the same goes in my life. if i don’t abide by my boundaries, i’ll get chaos in my life. this doesn’t mean to say that i ALWAYS follow it, it means that i do at times break the rules. and therefore have to suffer the consequences.

the kinds of boundaries that are most critical in life are the ones that are invisible - just to make things harder for me. i can’t see the boundary for friendship; i can’t see the boundary for relationship; i can’t see the boundary of ethics and moral; i can’t see the boundary for respect; i can’t see the boundary for intimacy; i can’t see the boundary of anger. but they exist. and i can feel them very clearly in my life.

what interest me most now is the boundary in friendship. how far can we go? how far should we go? where is the line between friends and lovers? the definition varies from each individuals. everyone has their own limits. i acknowledge that. but for people who use this argument to extend their boundaries should consider the other person’s boundaries. will you cross their line? and if you do, what’s the expectations? what’s the assumption? and when these built-up expectations are not met, someone will get hurt. trust me, it hurts - real bad.

so what’s the boundary in friendship? i don’t know the answer exactly but i know it when i’ve step over the line.

a note for myself: be careful.

Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial

Everything is permissible, but not everything is constructive

1 Chor 10:23

i remember those tv ads about satisfaction guaranteed and 30-day money back guarantees. but honestly, how many people can truly guarantee something? man has absolutely no control over what’s going to happen in the next minute of their life, how then can man make such guarantee? honestly speaking, i am one of those people who often make promises that i often times "forgot." so if i ever made a promise to you and i forgot, please remind me. i’ll give it my best shot! but i can’t guarantee you anything.

i watched pride and prejudice again. twice. and i fell in love again with mr. darcy. i mean… man! he’s my dream man. i would very highly strongly recommend watching the movie.

okay, that being said… i want to share something about contentment. i guess human beings by nature are never satisfied. when they don’t have enough, they ask for more; when they have enough, they want a little bit more. people tend to look upwards and compare themselves with those with more. and when there’s no one else who have more, they set still higher goals for themselves. isn’t it tiring? i would feel tired.

i want to stop. and look around. and say thank you sir, i have more than enough.

people have wants. and sometimes their wants are contradictory. so people can’t have everything they want. sometimes, all it takes is to slow down, look around, and realize how much we already have. cherish them; embrace them.

i’m very thankful. for my Father in heaven who watches over me everytime. for my father and mother in indo who love me very much. for my lil’ sis yaya who always brightens up my day. for my bro who asks me to cook at night, finish my cooking, and say that it tastes good. for my sis who’s so different yet so similar to me and tolerate me in so many ways. for my girlfriends in san jose who are simply madness. for my girlfriends in spore who are another source of madness in my life (i miss u guys very much). for lia, cella, and fella wherever they are for the "heboh-ness" in my life. for my guy friends everywhere who provide me "entertainment" and feedback. for my apt in oakwood and its gym, steam room, and heated pool complete with the ducks. for my car who has endured many bumps. for my school and its endless assignments, projects, papers, exams, and presentations. for the creator of chocolate, candy, ice cream, and cotton candy (they’re food for the soul). for every single small things that i have and for every single experience i have gone through in my life who makes me who i am today.

**muachhhh**

yesterday i attempted to bake some cookies for friday fellowship. but as usual, i had tons of things to do at the same time: my paper, my 2nd paper, my 3rd paper, my slides for the fellowship, shower, and prepare for the fellowship. so i thought, since it’s a ready-made cookie and all i need to do is stuff it in the oven for 5-10 minutes, i’ll just do that and put a timer so i’ll remember to take it out.

while waiting for "5-10 minutes", i did - or at least i tried to do - everything else that i had to do. when i was about to leave my house, that’s when i remebered that i was baking. it was 2 hours later. yep. 2 hours later!

i always pride myself as one who is good at multi-tasking. and i still believe that i am. but at the same time, i’m very careless; very carefree. from this baking disaster, i realized that i’m no superwoman. i have limitations. and that i should work with those limitations. and given my limitations, i should depend on my all-possible God and savior, Jesus.

curious about the result?

black cookies.

i’m very happy this weekend coz there’s cherry blossom all over.

i’m very happy this weekend coz my friends are crazy.

i’m very happy this past weekend coz a friend drop by.